Losing it

    Tuesday.  Dressed and mostly ready for the day.  Feeling peckish.  Kitchen.  Fridge.  Hm.  Need to go grocery shopping.  Make coffee first.

    Oh!  Kaplain's on Third.  Breakfast burrito and coffee there, then Boone's Market on the way home.  It's what?  8:45.  Cool.  I should be able to make it home with time to finish that quote and email the client before noon.  I have a plan!  Keys, wallet.  Door, locked, keys back in pocket.  Elevator or stairs?  Stairs.

    Man, it is crazy out here.  What did I miss?  That guy doesn't look too sketchy.  “Hey- What's going....”
    “Get inside!  They're coming!”

    “Who's co.....” ….aaaand he's gone.  Whatever it is, people are panicking.  And driving like assholes- I mean, they always do, but that guy in the Escalade just drove right over the sidewalk to get around that truck. Not cool, man.  

    I know it's really rude to just grab somebody, but I've got to find out what's going on here.     “Excuse me miss- Whoa, you don't need to scream, I'm not gonna....”    

    “I've got him!”

    Holy shit, is that a shovel?

    Ow.  I'm on the ground. My head hurts.  Why am I on the ground?  Did I fall or- No! Some dude hit me with a shovel!  What the hell?  Do I smell smoke?  My head is throbbing, I need to sit up.  

    Okay, this is bad.  People are screaming and running now.  How long was I out?  Holy shit- Was that gunfire?  Fuck this- I've got to get back upstairs.  What does this guy want?  Oh shit LOOK OUT....


    Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit that guy's dead.

    Slam the door.  Locked.  Upstairs.  Breathe- I need to breathe.  Stairs.  Ow.  Breathe.

    Jesus, what the hell just happened?  He crushed that guy's head like a cantelope.  What the hell was that he hit him with- A crowbar?  I think it was a crowbar.  I've never seen anybody get killed before.  Breathe.  It's okay.  He just kept running.  He killed a guy with a crowbar three feet in front of me and kept running.  Why didn't anyone do anything?  Why didn't I do anything?  What the fuck is going on?  I think I'm going to throw up.  Bathroom.  Oh god.

    Oh my god- I've got his blood all over me.  I just watched a guy get his head split open with a crowbar, and his blood is on me.  Oh god.  I think I'm going to pass out.  I  have to sit down.  The tile is cold.  No, I'm not going to pass out.  I'm shaking.  I'm shaking really bad. I can actually smell the blood- I didn't know blood had a smell. It's like raw meat and burnt copper.  I'm gonna be sick again.  It was seriously like a cantalope.

    Ow.  Wait a minute- that's my blood.  How did I.... Right.  I got hit with a shovel.  Somebody hit me with a goddamned shovel!  Okay, now it's starting to hurt- my head and OW!  What happened to my arm?  Breathe.  Breathe.  BREATHE.  Okay, that helps.  Damn, that's a lot of blood.  I've got to get cleaned up.

    Medicine cabinet.  Band-aids, eyedrops, Neosporin, Polysporin- Why do I have both of those?  Aren't they the same thing?  Little first aid kit- Looks like a couple rolls of gauze, more bandaids, three alcohol wipes and a pair of tweezers.  Well, that's next to useless. I think I'm gonna be all right for now, but next time I go to the store, I'm stocking up on first aid supplies.  I don't have nearly the kind I should. .  Then again, how often to I get hit with a shovel?  Or a crowbar.  Jesus.  That guy's really dead.

    HOLY SHIT THAT STINGS.  Ow. Ow. Ow.  Okay, time to inventory.  A gash on the forehead.  I don't think it's going to need stitches, but it's still bleeding.  Head wounds are supposed to bleed a lot, though, aren't they?  Okay, direct pressure, mostly under control.  Doesn't look too bad.  A couple band-aids should close that up.  I think it's going to be okay.

    Arm is a different story.  That's pretty nasty looking.  I might need to go to a hospital.  Fuck that- I'm not going back out there until things settle down.  I don't even remember what happened to my arm- Was it while I was blacked out?

    It looks like it clotted well, but it's dirty.  This is going to suck.  Washcloth, glad I buy antibacterial soap, and OW OW OW OW OW OW.  Okay, bleeding again, but it's clean.  Clean and deeper than I thought.  It looks like there's a chunk taken out of my arm.  Doesn't go down to the muscle, just skin and fat, but still- Holy crap that's going to leave a nasty scar.  Not enough gauze to pack the thing.... Cotton balls.  Wrap some of the gauze around a few cotton balls and tape the whole thing down over it.  This would be a hell of a lot easier with two hands- Next time I black out and wake up with a chunk missing, I hope it's from a leg instead.  Okay, that should hold.

    Bedroom.  Clean tee shirt and.... Sweatpants.  I'm not going out again today.  Knee is swollen and bruised, big bruise on my hip. Must be from when I fell.  I can't believe I got hit with a shovel.  I can't believe that guy got hit with a crowbar.  How do you kill somebody with a crowbar and then just run off?  I should call the police.  I didn't even think to call the police.  Jesus, why didn't I call the police?  I ran.  Did somebody else call the police?

    It's okay, I can call them now.  Was I in shock?  Am I still in shock?  I'm still shaking a bit, but I think I'm okay.  I was knocked unconscious and saw a guy get killed right in front of me.  I'm allowed to be in shock.  Forget the sweatpants- I need to put on jeans in case I have to go talk to the police- Or evacuate or something- I still don't know what's going on out there.

    Phone.  Still shaking.  Is it really almost noon?  I started to leave just before nine- How long was I out?  I must have taken a good forty-five minutes cleaning up- Or more?  Today flew by.  How has it been three hours?  Right.  Shock.  I've been in shock.  Shock and pain.  It's okay.  I'm allowed to be in shock.  I think wonky time perception is a symptom of shock, right?  Fuck it.  I'm mostly thinking clearly now.  I saw a guy get killed, I was injured, I need to call the police.

    Phone.  911.  “...cuits are busy.  Please hang up and try your call again. =ding=  We're sorry, all circuits are busy.  Please hang up and try your call again. =ding=  We're sorry....”

    Well, that's worrisome.  Hang up.  Window.  I can't see anything from here.  A couple people running down the alley, and I think there's smoke coming from somewhere.

    Living room.  Window.  Oh god, he's still there. I watched that guy get his head bashed in with a crowbar and he's still lying there in the street in front of my building.  Oh god.  There's other stuff going on- Why did I look there first?  I'm shaking again.  Am I crying?  I need to sit down.  Breathe.  Breathe.  My head still hurts. I hope I don't have a concussion.

    I'm okay, minor panic attack.  I'm okay.  Window.  Breathe.  Look out.  Dead guy still there.  Breathe.  Not your fault.  Oh my god, there are more bodies.  There's three four six seven a lot of bodies out there.  Jesus.  There's smoke.  Still a couple people out there running somewhere.  A bunch of them look armed- Baseball bats, a couple pistols- So much for that open carry ban.  Does that guy actually have a sword?

    There's a car on fire down the block.  It looks like that's where the smoke is coming from.  I hope it doesn't explode-  Does that just happen in the movies?  I don't know whether a car can explode.

    People are running in different directions.  This isn't localized- Or we're in the middle of the location.  I wish I had a TV.  I've got to be the only person in this building without a TV.  CNN has to be streaming this.  Laptop.  Password: Frecklebutt69.  Shit. I hope Anne is okay.  I miss her.  I hope she's not worried about me.  Browser.  CNN.  She probably doesn't think about me at all anymore.

    Starting to feel a bit lightheaded.  How long is this page going to take to load?  What the hell?  I know it's not like I'm going to get any work done today, but still- I pay for premium service.  Here we go.  Stream unavailable.  Figures.  Breaking News.  Unknown Pathogen.  Riots.  National Guard called up.  Cutest pets gallery.  What the hell?  Bodies in the streets and they're still posting cat pictures?  

    That can't be good.  It's not just here.  Reports from Indiana, New York, Georgia.   Fast food ad.  I should eat- I haven't eaten today.  

    Window.  Car is still on fire, bodies are still there.  More people- They look like they're coming and going in little groups now.  Why are all the cars abandoned?  Shouldn't there be police here?  I can hear sirens, but they don't sound close.  Shut the window- Burning car smells nasty.  Try the police again.

    Phone.  “Please hang up and try your call again. =ding=  We're sorry, all circuits...”

    I'm really not feeling well.  I should eat something.  Kitchen. Fridge.  Nothing jumps out at me. Cabinet.  Nothing good here either.  If I'd just gone to the store yesterday instead of today, I'd have food, and wouldn't have gotten hit with a shovel.  Freezer.  Ground beef.  Put that in the fridge for dinner.  Hummus.  Do I have pitas?  Crackers.  There's crackers.  Hummus and crackers.  That should hold me for a couple hours.  Back to the laptop.

    I am really not feeling well.  I don't feel like eating, but at least the hummus isn't too heavy.  I may nap for a bit.  Is it weird to nap with all this crazy shit going on?  Then again, what else am I going to do?  Best to stay put until things are under control or they evacuate us.  Either way, I'm not going anywhere.  I may as well try to get some strength back.  I'm wiped.

    Not good.  I feel worse. It's dark out.  How long was I asleep?  Oh god, I'm sick.  Is it a concussion?  Infection?  Shaky.  Really shaky.  And heavy.  Bathroom.  Why am I so sore?

    It is taking me far too long to get to the bathroom.  God, I feel like hell.  I think I may throw up.   I'm starving.  I am literally so hungry, I'm nauseas.  Pee.  Mirror.  Egads.  I look worse than I feel.  I should take a shower.  No, I feel like ass.  I'll just splash some water on my face.  


    Morning.  Or afternoon.  Fuck, I am burning up.  I think I'm really sick.  Is this that “unknown pathogen”?  Bathroom.  Oh god, my arm.  I need to get to a hospital. Why is it black?  It's black and purple and it's spreading and... Vomit.  Tile is cold.  Vomit.  Oh god- Vomit.  Deep breath.  Breathe.  


    Okay, closer look.  Ew, ew, ew.  That's definitely infected.  Badly infected.  It doesn't actually hurt any more, though.  Is that worse?  Does that mean the nerves are infected?  Clean and rebandage it as best I can, then call an ambulance.  Washcloth.  Neosporin or Polysporin?  Fuck it, I'll use both.  More cotton balls and gauze.  Tape.  Ibuprofen.  I'm burning up- two?  Three.  Okay, I've got to sit down a minute.

    I still don't know what's going on.  Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.  Breathe.  Panic isn't going to help.  Breathe.  Stand up, get to the phone.

    “All circuits are busy.  Please try your...” Hang up.

    I am still starving.  I barely ate yesterday.  Kitchen.  Oh god, the kitchen is all the way to the other end of the living room.  I need to sit down.  I'm gonna close my eyes a minute.

    Night.  Must have passed out.  I think I can make it to the couch.      Light.  Why is it light?  

    Don't feel sick.  Just hungry.  So hungry.  Kitchen.  It's dark again.

    In the kitchen.  How long have I been here?  Light out- that's..... Daytime.  It's daytime.  Fridge door is open.  How long have I been here?

    I think was dark.  Fridge is dark.  No lights.  Flies.

    What is that?  Meat.  Smells bad.  How long have I been standing here?  There are flies.  Hungry.  So hungry.

    Should go.... Food.  Hungry, I go.... food?  Where?  Out.  How did.... ? Door.  Dark again.  The thing on the door.... moves?  Turns.  Yes, turns.  Open.  Hallway is light.  Daytime.  How was out?  The thing- with buttons.

    The.... Thing.  Up-down thing.  Can't remember... up-down... Elev.... buttons. Press.  Dark out.

    Noise.  There.  The not-elev.  Other up-down.  Go to noise.  Hungry.  Noise.  Other... Person?  Person on up-down.  STAIRS!  Person is.... is person?  I think. On stairs.  Follow them to noise.

    Outside.  Is... something.  Food?  Hungry.  Persons follow persons, is noise?  Food!  Food make noise.... Noise is food!  Hungry.  Eat food.  Food noise.... Scream!  Food scream!  Eat food.

    Eat food.  Hungry.  So Hungry.